Sexy, revisited

No, this time my children aren't talking and thinking about sexy. Actually, it's me.

I haven't said much about this pregnancy over the last several months. The truth is that I don't have a lot of time to think about it, but at times it's, eh, hard to ignore. Especially as I get bigger.

I definitely enjoyed being pregnant a lot more when it was my first time. Even my second time. Now? I'm tired of feeling tired. I don't like feeling slow. I want to put my Brooks on and go for a really long run, one I can lose myself in; exhausting but exhilarating. Oh, I know some women keep on running all the way through their pregnancies - just last week at the Chicago Marathon a woman, 9 months pregnant, raced, finished, and then gave birth.

But that's not me. I wish it were, but I gave up almost 2 months ago. I'm tired - very, very tired. And honestly? Aside from not feeling energetic, I'm not feeling at all, not the least bit, not even a teeny tiny........ sexy. There. I said it.

I know plenty of gals who talk about feeling womanly, glowing, curvy and feminine to the extreme while gestating their brood, but that's not me. I feel silly, preposterous even. Absurdly round.

The other day I found myself scrambling out of the house to fit in an errand to buy my newest, favorite bra. It happens to be a brand they sell at Whole Foods (not sexy) that was unfortunate enough to receive the brand name of MAJAMAS (definitely NOT SEXY). I challenge any female to feel sexy while purchasing lingerie named after MOM PAJAMAS just 50 feet from the Cauliflower display.

And yet there I was, excited in my own pregnant-lady way, with my nude-colored-mostly-seamless-wireless-nursing friendly-completely-practical brassiere, and I was hoping that only Chris, the young hip cashier, and I knew my super unsexy little secret.

But someone out there seems to have my number. Someone out there seems to think they know something about me that I have had a hard time admitting. I received a catalog in the mail today from a retailer I had never heard of. As I flipped through the pages in the front seat of my car while I waited for Mae to return from a(nother) last minute bathroom trip, I felt the weight of my un-sexiness fall on my shoulders. Really? Someone thought I might buy my clothes here? And if so, do they have an un-sexy maternity section not represented in today's mailing or am I supposed to hold on to this to outfit my post-partum unsexy self?

Disclaimer: I am in no way poking fun of the ladies in these shots. I am just trying to understand my connection to this particular retailer. 

Chores? 

Nude colored "performance" underwear are in my future.

13 pockets for all my crap. Oh, and room for my ass. 

Jeans for those days when I'm working on my Mazda's engine. 

PS - Judge away. I write this post with full knowledge that sexy is not an important quality in life, nor is it even one I claim to have owned pre-pregnancy. But when you're as round as a beach ball and people give you silly little knowing smiles as you waddle by, you start to think about things like this.